So, bad 3OH!3 lyrics aside, this is a first kiss story. Namely, my first kiss. This is also not a happy story. Rewind one week, to Saturday, 26 March, 2011. Freshman year of college. Yeah, yeah, judge all you want. So, I'm sitting in my room, minding my own business watching Phineas and Ferb, when I get a text message. This makes me super excited. Like there are glowing happys all around my head. I'm a champion and that's it. Why is this exciting? I NEVER get text messages. Like, EVER! So I'm feelin' like a cool kid! About to go to Wal Mart and stuff. Oreos to be haz'd. So to Wal Mart we go. And Oreos were haz'd. By her. I didn't need anything. So now, we decide, it's dinner time. What to have, what to have... PIZZA HUT! Again, exciting because I LOVE pizza. In fact, if I had to choose between pizza and this girl, I'd choose pizza. Mexican mobsters, remember this. Remember it well. We can save much time. So we get us some hot pepperoni pizza and head back to my place. We decide it's movie night. Fa sho. And what better movie to watch than Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Break up movie? Jason Segel? Jason Segel's penis? #winning. So we watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall, it's about 11:00, but who needs sleep? Sleep is for the lame. So is NOT The Hangover. After two and a half hours of Zach Galifianakis-y goodness, it's time for some sleep. So I get comfortable, pop in my Xbox jammies (did I mention that this story doesn't end well?) and hop into bed. She gets comfortable. *GASP* So we fall asleep for about an hour. Good stuff. Anyways, we both wake up and start talking. Nothing big, just chit-chat. Then we have a tickle fight. Nothing wrong with a tickle fight, right? Right! This was less of a fight, however, and more of a tickle Rob-gets-his-ass-kicked. At tickling. See, I'm ticklish EVERYWHERE and she's only ticklish in one spot. Fortunately, though, this one spot ends with me having my arm completely around her torso. Yes, it is about to go down. So she almost falls off the bed and I pull her up with my epic man strength. However, in her bout of fear, she puts her hand behind my neck and her legs get intertwined with mine. So, here we are. Faces a mere inch apart. Bodies tangled. And what do I do? More chit-chat. Then, finally, I take the leap. I kiss her. Cue, "aawwwwww" from the crowd. I'll skip all the nitty-grittys of everything and just say that it was a pretty awesome night. We just made out, I swear. So anyways, she scoots out about 7 or 8 in the morning and I'm a champion. Now begins the sad part of the story.
So, Sunday was pretty boring, so we'll just cut to Monday. I finally tell this story to somebody who can give me good perspective on things. My best friend, Katie. I'm like, "OMG KATIE, WHAT DO I DO?!" and she's like, "You went first. Let her make the next move." All sorts of rational like. Unfortunately, she seemed pretty adamant at not making the next move. All week. For a picture of what this week was like, I give you a completely accurate photo from the events of what the situation looked like.
Yes, that's correct. I was reduced to a poorly drawn, exaggeratedly tan, pillow clutching basket-case. So, on Friday, I decided I was done dying. I asked her to dinner. DRUMROLL PLEASE! She ignored me. Now, I'd love to twist this second part of the story not to make me sound like a desperate fool, but that's what I am, so I'll just have to deal with sucking. About 3 hours later, at about 6:45, I told her I'd really like to hang out. Her response, "I think Imma stay in tonight." Now, facepalm as I ask her, "Tomorrow?" I'll spare the exact words and say, NO.
It's only downhill from here. So cue Saturday. She sends me a Facebook message. Says she's procrastinating. Asks me if I want to go to Sonic. Like a sad, puppy dog, I'm at her dorm in roughly 10 minutes. I text her, let her know I'm here. She then tells me to keep an eye out for Josh. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Josh. Great guy. However, he's totally interfering with the get this girl part of the story. It's clear my window has shut. Sad day.
It's clear that the story should end here, right? Well, for any sane person, that may be true. Fortunately for you, sad, blog searching creature of the night who happened to stumble upon this internet garbage, there's still one more piece of the story. So, every Monday, this girl, best friend Katie, and occasionally Josh and yet-to-be-mentioned Sarah, and I all go to dinner. So tonight is the night I lay it all on the line. Turns out dinner gets cancelled. Bleeehhh... So I tell her, "I'd really like to talk. It'll only take a second." She tells me to chat her on Facebook (Rob, will you ever quit losing?), so I do. I tell her, "I'm not one to beat around the bush. I like you. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you like me, too. I'm not sure what else to say, but now, I guess, it's all out anyways." Her words? "Sorry if I led you on, but I don't like you that way." FINISH HIM!!!!
So, that's the end of that saga. She could text me right now and say, "Rob, I changed my mind. I want a relationship. Come over and let's seal the deal. RIGHT... NOW." and I would.... Probably rush to the opportunity. Why? Because I'm self-destructive.
So what's the moral of this story? If there's a woman you want to date, SHE'S THE DEVIL!!!!
Oh! And kissing is fun.
Till next time, bloggernauts.
No comments:
Post a Comment